Today has been the hardest.. Not quite how I had dreamed Easter would be. Reality hit... I'm off all pain meds most people have stopped calling and texting and now it's back to cooking and cleaning for myself and my baby just died... The world keeps going and I just want it to stop. I cryed as I tried to enjoy the morning but everything fell apart, no eggs, I burned the chocolate for Easter candy and then it hit me.. My precious baby girl was not here and she couldn't wear her Easter dress and I couldn't hold her. I sobbed for hours as I felt my world falling apart.. What about me... What about me.. I imagined everyone taking Easter pictures with there babies and I didn't have mine.
I forgot Again about my two precious boys you had already given me, Timmy my husband and Gauge my son. Ooo how I have taken everything for granted. I began to find myself angry today and a bit doubtful for the first time, Please Lord forgive me you know I don't understand.
We chose to stay home because my emotional state was not stable enough for a crowd. I don't like people to see me cry I feel like I need to apologize. I'm sure all this is just Satan. So I retreated to my cold iron tub as always to read and ooo did God have a word for me! Job 30:27 and Isaiah 43 1-3
I don't want to move on Lord or get back to reality. I want to stay in this humble state with your arms around me waiting for you to help me make my next move. Thank you Lord for Bella and how she has changed our lives!
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