The Good the Bad and the Ugly..

     God has revealed the good the bad and the terribly ugly these last 7 weeks. My heart is broken, well shattered would be a better word to use. My stomach stays in knots. Anxiety overtakes me at the sight of a new face. Do they know??? I ask myself. I'm not afraid someone will mention her but instead afraid someone won't.. Nothing hurts worse than for someone to ignore the fact we lost our child. She was ours for almost 9 months. We had plans of forever plans together. 

     I was once on the other side where alot of people are, I understand you don't know what to say because I once didn't know what to say. But I assure you if you have a friend or know someone with a loss they want you to talk about it. A simple I'm sorry will do. Acknowledge their sweet baby and how they made a difference in your lives. I believe it's apart of the healing process to talk to share and write. Some of my closest friends and family seem to ignore it and pretend it didn't happen others embrace it and encourage me. 

     It hurts people, it hurts bad, every day all day. We smile and put on our best makeup and perfume but inside we are All fighting a hard battle. Wether your battle is a loss or something else, Give it to God. He will mend your shattered heart and your broken spirit. I couldn't make it without my sweet Jesus and my sweet friends.

 

To: Kayla, Megan, Alex, Leah and Ainsley.

     Thank you all for standing beside me threw these ugly days. We have had some good laughs and good cries! Yal mean more than you will ever know to me. In my eyes yal have helped save me from drowning. Yal have worked together just like the bible says, You have been the body of Christ working together for my good! I Love each of you! 💗💋cherish

An idol mind is the devils workshop

              Such a true statement. I find myself trying to stay busy and trying to fill my mind with positive and encouraging things and positive people. If I didn't I would drown in sorrow and grief. The mad cycle of emotions would spin like a thousand roller coasters. Around and around they would go. Never stopping to let me off. I Praise God because he has the key!
        Because of this I have had to make some really hard decisions regarding friendships. It's good to stop.. and look at who you are around, what are we doing? Are our actions bringing glory to Gods name?? 1 Corinthians 15: 33 tells us " Do not be deceived: bad company corrupts good morals" so I encourage you to take a look at your life, ask yourself "Am I pleasing God?" I'm asking now... I don't want to be a discourager or someone who boasts loudly or a gossip girl. I don't want to be that friend you call when you just want to rant. I just want to be like Jesus... And keep busy with kingdom things.
How about you?

Easter Sunday day 12

Today has been the hardest.. Not quite how I had dreamed Easter would be. Reality hit... I'm off all pain meds most people have stopped calling and texting and now it's back to cooking and cleaning for myself and my baby just died... The world keeps going and I just want it to stop. I cryed as I tried to enjoy the morning but everything fell apart, no eggs, I burned the chocolate for Easter candy and then it hit me.. My precious baby girl was not here and she couldn't wear her Easter dress and I couldn't hold her. I sobbed for hours as I felt my world falling apart.. What about me... What about me.. I imagined everyone taking Easter pictures with there babies and I didn't have mine.
I forgot Again about my two precious boys you had already given me, Timmy my husband and Gauge my son. Ooo how I have taken everything for granted. I began to find myself angry today and a bit doubtful for the first time, Please Lord forgive me you know I don't understand.
We chose to stay home because my emotional state was not stable enough for a crowd. I don't like people to see me cry I feel like I need to apologize. I'm sure all this is just Satan. So I retreated to my cold iron tub as always to read and ooo did God have a word for me! Job 30:27 and Isaiah 43 1-3
I don't want to move on Lord or get back to reality. I want to stay in this humble state with your arms around me waiting for you to help me make my next move. Thank you Lord for Bella and how she has changed our lives!

Six months ago if you would have asked me would I ever consider having a blog my answer would be absolutely not, that's for people with nothing to do and that's not me. Welp... Here I am attempting to start a blog. Not for myself but for others. First of all I'm not an English scholar nor am I even good at writing but  I have found great comfort reading other blogs of women like me who have experienced a loss. It helps me to know that other normal women have survived! I love reading about there journey in life after loss, because at times it seems there is none. I have prayed about this for a while and I'm certain this is a God thing. To help me heal and to hopefully somehow inspire others like me to give there pain to the Ultimate Healer of hearts💗💗. Id love for you to tag along ask questions or whatever your supposed to do on these blogs!! Much Love.. Cherish

This is our story Praising our Savior all the day long.

     May 1, 2014- The day we prepared to celebrate life for our Sweet Bella here on earth. It never once crossed our minds that we could lose our precious 36-week old baby girl we had dreamed of. As we headed to the hospital with the thoughts that my water had broken, we just knew she would be tiny... But so Beautiful. My only request to God was black hair just like her daddy. Gauge was ready with his pink shirt to match. Her room was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined... Coral flamingos we just knew she would be what completed our family. We couldn't wait to see her sleeping in all her precious new gowns. For 9 months we had planned birthdays in our minds. We even had an Easter dress in case she was a little early. I had enough clothes to clothe a small army. She was ours... We THOUGHT. How could she not be?   To remember that night gives me chills all over deep inside, a terror one cannot describe...On Tuesday, April 8, 2014, after a day of work and Bible study, Our Mighty God Chose Bella to come home with Him, The ultimate Maker, and be among the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven! As hard as it is to process, we know without doubt she is in His hands, being loved with a love no earthly parent can offer. As for our family we have also learned to Love in a much deeper way. God has revealed so many things to us all for his Glory! I have moments of rage, pure terror, sorrow and guilt. Not guilt that I could have changed anything, but a guilt of not Loving enough being selfish and not completely giving my all to Christ when He trusted me to care for HIS child not mine. All these feelings pass most times within and hour, and above all I have an indescribable peace that only My Savior can give. Do not let satan steal your peace. I have learned how he works, and he loves weak, hurting Christians. If you do not know Jesus as your personal friend and Savior, I ask that you to give him your All.. Absolute All.. Give all your pain and hurts to him now, and I Promise you He will give you that peace worth living for! Without His peace and assurance, we my friends would have no hope. It dosent matter what you have done, He will forgive you. Just ask. Pray to our Mighty God now... If you wait, it could be too late. We, my friends, are not guaranteed anything especially life on earth. We have learned first hand.
                                                             So take His hand.
   Bella Glen Montgomery with not a single breath on earth is ministering already. What a Blessing.
I will praise you in this Storm...