Today's story

The real story of today. I love how Facebook makes people's lives look so perfect, matching clothes and perfect white smiles. No one sees the real struggle it was to snap that perfect picture. Boasting and bragging on all things worldly. Lives are perfect all around the world, who knew? Well I would love to have posted the perfect smiling picture this morning boasting about how excited I was for my first official Ob appointment today. Normally I would prance in proudly but not today, no heels and skinny jeans for me. I'll wear sweatpants and a tee. Only waterproof mascara and on the top only, forget perfume, lipgloss and perfect painted toes. All that doesn't matter anyway it won't guarantee good results. With vomiting on my mind I just want to get this over with... 
I know that sounds terrible I'm not sugarcoating this one.(I might eat it)! Everyone tells me Gods got this, I tell everyone the same and He does! He also has my daughter. But I still put my trust in the Lord He will not forsake me. He has not left my side, He has given me what strength I have needed to make it threw each and every day. Some days haven't been as pretty as others and my God does not promise all pretty days. Actually quite the opposite. It seems the hardest days I have faced, I have had no place to go but my knees in prayer  and that's where I need to stay. It's so sad that such tragedy has to be what reminds us that we need the Lord. We seriously need to wake up... End rant.. Anyways... I had No excited bone in my body as I drove blinded by the tears and sun in my eyes. Waiting room filled with big bellies and crying babies. Hold it together Cherish.. You can do this..remember all the people praying... But then I remember my last visit here left with no hope of bringing a child home. This time will be different I tell myself over again. They call my name to fill out this fancy computer questionnaire... I had to go threw every pregnancy with details.. Pregnancy #1 miscarried at 12 weeks. #2 healthy baby  #3 healthy but born still and there wasn't an option for that outcome.  #4 miscarried at 5 weeks. And here goes #5. Only God knows about this one! Anyways the wait seemed forever and finally it was time to weigh and see Dr. Gray. She was wonderful today and has been throughout every pregnancy. I honestly can't imagine having to tell someone I'm sorry there is no heartbeat..would you like to be awake during delivery? No just kill me now please. Sooo I have serious respect for this woman and how she has handled every situation we have been in. All that aside, I did get to hear that precious heart beat today it was 170. We are pleading with God for a healthy alive baby and healthy pregnancy. And no we are not praying for a girl. Kinda thinking its a boy! And boys are tons of fun! Couldn't make it without Gauge and my other child from another mother Timmy lol. 

    At first I wanted to be supermom and not find out the gender. Figured it would be less stress on me and the baby, and what a surprise it would be!! Well supermom up and flew away lol. Your welcome to talk me out of it if you want! Anyways... 

Thank you all for your support and Thank you all for your prayers, they are what keep me going! If you need prayer I would love to pray for you! I don't have magic words but I do know a God who is in the business of miracles! As I'm writing this I'm reminded of the song by Jimmy Needham..  Clear the Stage.

Anything I put before my God is an idol, anything I want with all my heart is an idol, anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol. 

Lord help me not to get this one wrong. All idols aside I need You Lord, and if your plans include a healthy baby that would be awesome! Peace Love and always Flamingos...