What a combination to endure.
Emotions float all over the place but one sticks... Insecurity. Makes me question every single part of my being. If you have ever suffered loss you will understand. I think all women at some point or another struggle with this. I'm to fat, not tan, to plain to whatever... Welp add to the mix can't get even carry a child. Some of you can relate. Never once thought this would be me. No one ever wants it to be them. It's me!! It's me!! Yep it's me... So I'm left asking my self what am I supposed to be doing? And I come up with all types of things... Like I'll go back to school, quit my job sell my car ride a bike or... I'll just get another job(which I did) I'll make more money to hoard the things I'll hate in a few weeks. I'll adopt, that's it.. Twins what fun that would be! I'll adopt twins!! That's a great idea! Won't even have to worry about getting fat! Which I already am. Let's open a business Timmy it will be great! I'll be your secretary!
Or let's scratch all that and let's get real and ask God what he wants. That's where I am. A crisis of self. Not sure if that's the correct terminology. But it sounds nice. A lot nicer than the way I'm feeling. I'm not real sure what He wants me to do with this mess I have on my hands. But I want to my wash my hands with scalding hot water, dawn then some sanitizer and start over. And what a better time to do it! It's almost a new year. He knows the plans he has for me! He knows just what I need to do. I need only to ask and wait for His reply. Waiting is the part I'm struggling with.... I'm tired of waiting!
I pray God would give you a sense of what He is up to in your life. May we see glimpses of the break threw just around the corner. May we with all our heart believe that trusting Him over what we can see, is totally and completely worth it. May we rest in his powerful promises! He has the whole world in His hands... He got the itty bitty baby in His hands... Sing it you know you want to, I am! He's got this whole thing under control. Trust, Obey and wait... Patiently wait.
Peace Love and Flamingos
