Who am I in Christ?

The struggle is real...

Emotions all over the place and I just want more of you Jesus. But how can I find you in this mess of a busy life I have created? 

    So who am I in Christ? I say to myself in the midst of tear filled eyes. 

Remind me someone please....

I am Complete in Christ. Colossians 2:10

I am alive with Christ. Ephesians 2:5

I am free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:2

I am far from oppression, and fear does not come near me. Isaiah   54:14

I am born of God, and the evil one does not touch me. 1John 5:18

I am holy and without blame before Him in love. Ephesians 1:4

I have the peace of God that passes all understanding. Philippians  4:7

I have the Greater One living in me; greater is He Who is in me than he who is in the world. 1 John 4:4

I have received the gift of righteousness and reign as a king in life by Jesus Christ. Romans 5:17

I have no lack for my God supplies all of my need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

I can quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one with my shield of faith. Ephesians 6:16

I am God’s child for I am born again of the incorruptible seed of the Word of God, which lives and abides forever. Thank you Lord for giving me your word for encouragement just when I need it! Thank you Jesus.

I am God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works. Help me Lord to not get so caught up in life that I miss the reason you created me! Don't ever forget who you are in Christ! Peace Love and Flamingos... 

Not all who wander are lost

Not all who wander are lost. I just LoVe that statement! So true in so very many ways! I picture myself in the deep woods wandering following the beauty God created. Get off the beaten path everyone else travels. Isn't the path narrow to Christ? I think "we" often think because someone isn't doing the traditional thing that there lost. Right? Geez.. Hitler had tons of followers and Jesus had 12. I'll stick to the road less traveled! How about you? Get lost in Gods word! Loose the so called "friends" who take you down the wide beaten path! On the road less traveled you might get in some briars, break your ankle or get poison oak and everyone else may seem to walk seamlessly but remember there reward is the lack of briars! So I got a little lost in Gods word and oh what I found. I just love this scripture... Such good good stuff....

Psalms 139

1 You have searched me Lord and you know me
2 You know when I sit and when I rise.

You perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
You are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
You, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
IfI settle on the far side of the sea,
10 Even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 Even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;

I count them my enemies.

Search me, God and know my heart;

Test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

That's a scripture to get lost in! 

Just a reflection

So today I finally have a moment to reflect. Literally a moment..between clothes washing, paint drying and my third cup of coffee making. I look over the list of people who attended the funeral in tears, I read the cards everyone sent and I remember.... Every. Single. Thing. I remember all the pain, the tears and the sleepless nights tossing and wondering if it's all just a bad dream. The words "calm down" and "I'm sorry there is no heartbeat" ring over and over.  And over and over and over.... You get the point. With all that said and out of the way, what I really remember today is where I am now. Yes I hate that my house is quite and there is no toddler spilling juice on my new rug. I hate that "Bella's room" is now where the Christmas mess is and I hate even more that I have HAD to call it the "junk room" again. 

But I do Love...Love...Love. What I have learned in this storm. That God can take the biggest ugliest mess you have and make something beautiful out of it. Im a work in progress not due for completion until Heavens gates open!

Im in Love this messy life God has given me.

I'm Grateful. I'm Blessed. I'm Alive...and Loved by the King of all Kings! What's a little more rain Lord? You are much greater than all my pain! Lord take me deeper than my feet could ever wander... my faith will be made stronger... In the presence of my Savior... In the presence of my Savior is where I sit waiting on the rain and praying for a rainbow. Please if you would, join us in prayer! 

It's me..

Still born and miscarried.

What a combination to endure. 

Emotions float all over the place but one sticks... Insecurity. Makes me question every single part of my being. If you have ever suffered loss you will understand. I think all women at some point or another struggle with this. I'm to fat, not tan, to plain to whatever... Welp add to the mix can't get even carry a child. Some of you can relate. Never once thought this would be me. No one ever wants it to be them. It's me!! It's me!! Yep it's me... So I'm left asking my self what am I supposed to be doing? And I come up with all types of things... Like I'll go back to school, quit my job sell my car ride a bike or... I'll just get another job(which I did) I'll make more money to hoard the things I'll hate in a few weeks. I'll adopt, that's it.. Twins what fun that would be! I'll adopt twins!! That's a great idea! Won't even have to worry about getting fat! Which I already am. Let's open a business Timmy it will be great! I'll be your secretary! 

Or let's scratch all that and let's get real and ask God what he wants. That's where I am. A crisis of self. Not sure if that's the correct terminology. But it sounds nice. A lot nicer than the way I'm feeling. I'm not real sure what He wants me to do with this mess I have on my hands. But I want to my wash my hands with scalding hot water, dawn then some sanitizer and start over. And what a better time to do it! It's almost a new year. He knows the plans he has for me! He knows just what I need to do. I need only to ask and wait for His reply. Waiting is the part I'm struggling with.... I'm tired of waiting! 

I pray God would give you a sense of what He is up to in your life. May we see glimpses of the break threw just around the corner. May we with all our heart believe that trusting Him over what we can see, is totally and completely worth it. May we rest in his powerful promises! He has the whole world in His hands... He got the itty bitty baby in His hands... Sing it you know you want to, I am! He's got this whole thing under control. Trust, Obey and wait... Patiently wait.

Peace Love and Flamingos 

He knows just what it's like to loose a Child.

   I'm at a loss tonight, searching my broken pieces. I'm trying to find the missing pieces, glue the slivers and figure out just what God is trying to make of me. I'm not sure it's going to be pretty but I do know He has a plan.... I'm just praying for enough strength to get threw this thing called life. 

    As the holidays approach my nerves come alive like it was just hours ago that we lost our little girl. All the should haves race threw my blurry tear filled eyes and settle deep in my heart. Not a moment goes by that she is not on my mind. I think I do pretty good job at putting on the "happy face" I think....Some people I know can see right threw me. But they are few and far between. 

But... Above all the sadness I'm so very thankful for this life God chose for me, believe it or not! 

It's a life of... 

Hitting my knees faster... 

Loving stronger... 

Letting the little things go... 

And cherishing every second with my family. I'm not sure where we're headed but I know Gods got a great plan for us! 

   If your grieving this Holiday season give it all to the one who gave His Only Son so that we could be saved. He knows just how it feels to loose a child. 

  

Riley Scott Anding

Today I'll share what looks like just a picture, but it's far more. I have always known of this precious little boys mom. But recently we have gotten to really talk about our stories and she is such a blessing to my life! How sweet is this precious face and even though death stings like no other how comforting to know he is in the everlasting arms of our Savior and Lord!! 

Riley Scott Anding 

Stillborn and still changing

Geez is say... All the time. This never ending cycle of grief is ever changing. I wish I could say we were better but we're not. We're just taking life one day at a time, always thanking God for our Precious little girl. As a whole our family is growing closer together and closer to Christ. We're doing things we would have never considered before loss and honestly it's not something I would have ever been proud of, but this time To God be All the Glory. 

     It's hard to tell what's right in grieving. So I've decided there is no right or wrong just whatever makes you feel right at that moment, because every moment changes. Some days I go in Bella's room and my breath is literally taken away by grief and madness. Other times I find myself rearranging putting her stuff up and out of sight. Some days I pull it all back out and display it. I'm so proud of my little girl... So proud of how God has used us and molded us into something better than before.  Some small minded people have called me bipolar which stabs me at the core, they obviously have never lost a child. People wonder if I need help... counseling.... There she goes writing again.. Someone needs to stop her... No one wants to be confronted with grief but it's something you experience and it Cannot be ignored or forgotten. All we can do is cry out to God. He alone has the power to heal, mend or reform and this is what we're experiencing... A healing and reforming. He is slowly taking our broken pieces and shaping us into something beautiful... Taking ashes and creating a new creature. Please continue to pray for us as we face all the firsts that will never be. Pray for us as we pray for another blessing from The Lord. We're trying to be strong but satan knows where we are weak and most days his attacks lead to a night of tears. If you have lost a child I'm praying for you.. 

     Open our eyes Lord so we can see that your shaping us, Lord we need you to soften our hearts and break us apart, pierce threw the dark and cleanse every part of us. Give us Faith Lord to trust what you say. We're broken and we give you our lives. Your good Lord and your Love is Great! We may be weak but your spirits strong in us, our flesh may fail but God you Never will!!! Thank you Lord!