He knows just what it's like to loose a Child.

   I'm at a loss tonight, searching my broken pieces. I'm trying to find the missing pieces, glue the slivers and figure out just what God is trying to make of me. I'm not sure it's going to be pretty but I do know He has a plan.... I'm just praying for enough strength to get threw this thing called life. 

    As the holidays approach my nerves come alive like it was just hours ago that we lost our little girl. All the should haves race threw my blurry tear filled eyes and settle deep in my heart. Not a moment goes by that she is not on my mind. I think I do pretty good job at putting on the "happy face" I think....Some people I know can see right threw me. But they are few and far between. 

But... Above all the sadness I'm so very thankful for this life God chose for me, believe it or not! 

It's a life of... 

Hitting my knees faster... 

Loving stronger... 

Letting the little things go... 

And cherishing every second with my family. I'm not sure where we're headed but I know Gods got a great plan for us! 

   If your grieving this Holiday season give it all to the one who gave His Only Son so that we could be saved. He knows just how it feels to loose a child. 

  

Riley Scott Anding

Today I'll share what looks like just a picture, but it's far more. I have always known of this precious little boys mom. But recently we have gotten to really talk about our stories and she is such a blessing to my life! How sweet is this precious face and even though death stings like no other how comforting to know he is in the everlasting arms of our Savior and Lord!! 

Riley Scott Anding 

Stillborn and still changing

Geez is say... All the time. This never ending cycle of grief is ever changing. I wish I could say we were better but we're not. We're just taking life one day at a time, always thanking God for our Precious little girl. As a whole our family is growing closer together and closer to Christ. We're doing things we would have never considered before loss and honestly it's not something I would have ever been proud of, but this time To God be All the Glory. 

     It's hard to tell what's right in grieving. So I've decided there is no right or wrong just whatever makes you feel right at that moment, because every moment changes. Some days I go in Bella's room and my breath is literally taken away by grief and madness. Other times I find myself rearranging putting her stuff up and out of sight. Some days I pull it all back out and display it. I'm so proud of my little girl... So proud of how God has used us and molded us into something better than before.  Some small minded people have called me bipolar which stabs me at the core, they obviously have never lost a child. People wonder if I need help... counseling.... There she goes writing again.. Someone needs to stop her... No one wants to be confronted with grief but it's something you experience and it Cannot be ignored or forgotten. All we can do is cry out to God. He alone has the power to heal, mend or reform and this is what we're experiencing... A healing and reforming. He is slowly taking our broken pieces and shaping us into something beautiful... Taking ashes and creating a new creature. Please continue to pray for us as we face all the firsts that will never be. Pray for us as we pray for another blessing from The Lord. We're trying to be strong but satan knows where we are weak and most days his attacks lead to a night of tears. If you have lost a child I'm praying for you.. 

     Open our eyes Lord so we can see that your shaping us, Lord we need you to soften our hearts and break us apart, pierce threw the dark and cleanse every part of us. Give us Faith Lord to trust what you say. We're broken and we give you our lives. Your good Lord and your Love is Great! We may be weak but your spirits strong in us, our flesh may fail but God you Never will!!! Thank you Lord! 

   

Fairy Tales and Flamingos

I sit in my daughters empty room, shirt soaked with tears and face covered in mascara. I didn't know this would happen or I would have worn waterproof. I boxed up all her beautiful gowns and blankets all monogramed ready for her to wear and I just have to ask.. Why? 

Lord, I know that you know best...your word tells me so..

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28. 

I know you can Love her much more than I could ever dream of loving her. But why couldn't you just love her from heaven? Couldn't you just watch her from above instead of watching me fall apart? Couldn't you just give her to me for a little while? I ask why, why, why like a child. I know why.. But I ask anyways. 

You gave me her for only 9 months to show me how precious life is, because I took it for granted. You let me carry her to move mountains in my life that otherwise would still be standing. You lent her to me because You loved me that much! No matter how we raise our children were not guaranteed they will enter Your kingdom, Thank you Lord for saving her. I know she is with you! But could you please just read her fairy tales and show her the flamingos? Please tell her we miss her and that we will be there soon! 

     As a young adult I always overheard older seasoned Christians saying come Lord come, and I thought.. No you crazy people hush don't say that I'm not ready. Let me get married I want to have kids and see them graduate. I want to live on this earth for a little longer. Please don't rush the Lords coming. 

Welp here I go... Come Lord come now come quickly! I'm ready to see your face! You have prepared and seasoned me you have taken my hard arrogant heart and broken it to pieces and caused me to love like I have never loved before! For once in my life I have pure joy even as I sit in my daughters empty room and wonder what happened. I have peace that I want to be contagious. God of Wonders beyond our galaxy you are Holy!! Only You could take this girl... Who lost her beloved little girl and make something beautiful out of it! For you reading this... I'm praying for you. I pray you can see and feel my brokenness but also see Gods love and feel his presence, I pray this brings you to your knees in prayer. Maybe you haven't lost a child but just lost yourself in addiction... Jesus Saves!! Freedoms calling chains are falling!! God can make all things new!!! I'm praying for you! 

Peace love & Flamingos.. 

Bella Glen Montgomery April 8, 2014

Our Precious little girl. 

Oh how we wish you were here...

 

Philippians 3:12-14

Straining Toward the Goal 

Phillipians 2:12-14

12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 

   As I read my bible these days it seams I understand things that I have always known... but never understood. Like Lot's wife, I knew about her...but when I read the story today I understood it in a totally different way. I don't want to be like her and look back, and I surely don't want The Lord to turn me into a pillar of salt! I can't let the past control my future. I am still learning and searching for truth and the only place I have found it is in my bible. I have wanted to find it in friends and in family but it's not there... It's only their opinions. Gods opinion is the only one that matters. God is my refuge and my rock he is my salvation and the one who frees me from all unrighteousness. So. If you find me distant, I'm searching for something more than this filthy world offers. I'm searching for peace in Gods creation and His unfailing word. I'm not looking for small talk, it's not worth my soul....Im thankful for this aha moment where everything makes since. Thank you Lord for showing me your peace, love and forgiveness! 

Gods word is one of the greatest tools we have. Ask The Lord to help you model what it teaches. 

Jesus's Table

Soo.. I'm super excited. I got this awesome chair with a heart shaped back that I Love, it's torn all to pieces but beautiful and I love it just the way it is! Today I was cleaning and moving around and placed it at our table, tears started flowing immediately. The chair reminds me of my heart broken ,torn and raveled. It also reminds me that God has something better. The chair could be fabulous with a fresh coat of paint and some fabric. God wants to take us and remake us into something beautiful. As I will the chair. The chair is now Bella's seat at the table. She will always be with us, in our minds and hearts at every single meal we eat. The pillow in the chair is from her bedding! I'm so excited about HER chair at OUR table and even more excited that HER chair is already at Jesus's Table!